What does Ritual abuse look like for me. I can only explain it like that because I have my own lived experience no one else's. There maybe parallels to others experiences that is all. I only know it as Ritual abuse because that's what I have been told during my the years of my healing from those that helped me.
Ritual abuse looks like this to me
Indoctrination | Chanting | To serve | Blood | Concrete cell |
Woods | Satan | Fires of hell | Sacrifice | Evil |
Punishment | Followers | Be thankful | Self Harm | Poison |
Dissociation | Naked | Amy | Sad | Obey |
Being good | Master | Chamber | Fires | Worthless |
Rape | Being Loved | Robes | Cleansed | A Nothing |
Cut | Burnt | Drugged | Pain | No tears |
And repeat all of the above over and over.............. Listing it like that shows all the elements over the years I was violated with. You may of noticed a couple on the list that might surprise you. The first one ',Being good' that's there because in my mind by doing what they tell me I'm being good, which will mean no punishment. The other one was 'Being Loved', I didn't know what Love was except in my mind it meant when Being good told I am chosen. Chosen to serve the master. How lucky am I.
I went through so much each one of those things filled my mind. Instead of all the things a child should be filling her mind with mainly of innocence, fun, being nurtured. Pulling off all those layers of above take an exhausting time and once done leaves that space to be filled with life and what it means for me. I’ve had to do, or I am doing life as I want it to be and filling those spaces. However, the impact of all of the above even individually takes it toll and intermittently I have to down tools and concentrate on dealing with that impact. I have had to learn about what love truly is, what being good really looks like, about feelings, emotions, and mainly I am learning about who I am. I am still learning who that is. Then of course, doing life. I am doing it and have done and thankfully those spaces in my mind now are filling up with less of the above and more of real life not all those lies that was told to me from my abusers.
Ritual Abuse is all consuming horrid mix of mind control, violation of body and in my view just a group of depraved humans hiding behind a word. Getting their sick kicks out of the innocent souls like me. Ask me of Ritual Abuse and I can tell you of my experience like the above table……….
