Everything is existing just out of reach, on the other side of an invisible barrier that I cannot penetrate or scale. The days are fuzzy and numb. Life seems to be happening to everyone but me. This is how it feels when that darkness descends.
Nothing is outwardly, wrong, but everything is out of place. My mind, once my greatest ally, has become my biggest enemy. I have quietly and gently slipped into a darkness that I thought would never leave me. The reality of my lockdown has brought unprocessed trauma to the fore.
With the help of others and with understanding and care, we can always start again. I know that darkness will get lighter and with the tools I have and the help I seek I will come through. I may experience it again, it will be with the hindsight that every hardship is followed by ease.
Mental health awareness week has just ended, and I hope a new wave of conversation, education and understanding has begun. The mind is a revolving door on a continuous cycle, and not just one week will it turn but those cogs will always turn in order, for that light to get through.
Our mental well-being can be shaken for no apparent reason or by life’s bigger trials and tribulations. The isolation of lockdown, the loss of a loved one, the lurking fear of what tomorrow may bring, a past trauma rearing its head, the threat of deprivation or the constant pain of a chronic illness. All these and much more. We need to acknowledge that nurturing and caring for our hearts and minds is as important as protecting our physical health from the danger of a new virus.
This last week has been about creating space for one another and coming together. Let us have compassion and mercy, for ourselves and for others as we walk though dark days into light.